Joke of the Week

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher  

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids  myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second  grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved  show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps  them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring  in pet turtles , model airplanes, pictures of
fish they catch, stuff like  that. And I never, ever place any boundaries
or limitations on them. If they  want to lug it in to school and talk about
it, they're welcome.  

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,  
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow  
stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.  'This is Luke, my baby brother , and
I'm going to tell you about his  birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and  then Dad put a
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for  nine months
through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her  hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my  camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

'Then,  about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh!'  Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around
the house  for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a
hysterical duck  walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,  but she doesn't have
a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my  Mom to lie down in bed
like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back  against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept  in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over  the bed, like
psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little  hands miming
water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle  wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started  counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my  brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's  play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys
inside there. When he  got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up
in there.'

Then  Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat...
I'm  sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when  it's
show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle  Wife' comes along.