JOKE OF THE WEEK
NEW STOCK TERMS
CEO -- Chief
Embezzlement Officer.
CFO --
Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET --
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself
for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET --
A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE
INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO --
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What
my broker has made me.
STANDARD &
POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
-- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT --
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.
FINANCIAL
PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET
CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW--
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What
you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
WINDOWS --
What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
@ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL
INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An
archaic word no longer in use.
