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Joke of the Week.
Good Bye to 2004!
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me
your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe,
secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will
turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least
1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap
on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels
will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin
twice removed.
Happy New Year!
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