Joke
Medical
Quotes
The following quotes were
taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...
By the time he was admitted,
his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she
lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee
was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has been
depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Patient was released to
outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested that he
loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the
help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient will need
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
The patient refused an
autopsy.
The patient has no past
history of suicides.
The patient expired on the
floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white
blood cells at another hospital.
The patient's past medical
history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight
gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and
apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient left the hospital
feeling much better except for her original complaints.
The patient had waffles for
breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
The patient was in his usual
state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
She is numb from her toes
down.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant,
infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man
has no children.
Patient was alert and
unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes
rolled around the room
