East Palestine Rotary News

JOKE OF THE WEEK

George Carlin's Reflections on Life:

1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but going faster is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is!

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"

15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Club News 4/20/09

Guests: Bert from Beaver Falls and Chris Jacobs

Happy/Sad bucks: Shirley was happy to survive another tax season; Bob was glad the Indians scored many runs against the Yankees.

No drawing.

Shirley, Traci, Bonnie, Kerri, Doug & Vicki attended the District Conference. They hosted the House of Friendship; sold tickets for the afghan drawing & sold Rotary plates and trinket boxes. Doug will be District Governor as of July 1st, and we will be the host club for the District Conference next spring.

Our club won 2nd place for the Jack Vogel Award for Public Relations thanks to the scrapbook prepared by Bonnie.

May 9th will be DOG DAY. We will again clean the walking trail.

May 16th will be Rotary Scrapbooking Day at the Community Lighthouse.

Our speaker today was Chris Jacobs from the Carroll-Columbiana-Harrison Solid Waste District. Chris told us about a variety of recycling opportunities available in our area. Click here for more information.