East Palestine Rotary News 8/11/08

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Airplane Humor

This is very reassuring for frequent (or infrequent) flyers: After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which alerts mechanics to problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions (marked with an S) recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

Ready?

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
   ********
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
   ********
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
   ********
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
   ********
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    ********
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
    ********
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    ********
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
    ********
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
   *********
P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right.
   *********
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
   *********
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
   *********
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
   *********
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
   *********

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

CLUB NEWS - 8/11/08

Drawing winner - Dave Powers

Guests - Connie Robinson

Happy Bucks/Sad Bucks: Vicki - 12 years ago Doug joined Rotary; Connie was just happy to be at Rotary; Dave is just happy; Mark was sad that Kana went home

NEXT MONDAY we will be drawing for the Atlantic City trip. Please bring your ticket stubs

Car Cruise sign up sheet passed around. August 23 2-6

NEXT MONDAY will be our official visit from District Governor Bob Pattison. We always strive for 100% attendance for the Governor's visit. Please make every effort to attend this important meeting.

Our new exchange student will arrive next week. His name is Diego.

Dave showed a slide show about his 07 fishing trip to Canada