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The Married Man's Score Board
(NOTE: a score of "0" means it was
expected of him)
Simple Duties
------------
* You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light
panty-liners with wings: +5
* But return with beer: -5
* You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it's
nothing: 0
* You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something: +5
* You pummel it with a six iron: +10
* It's her father: -10
Social Engagements
------------------
* You stay by her side the entire party: 0
* You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to
chat with a college
drinking buddy: -2
* Named Tiffany: -4
* Tiffany is a dancer: -6
* Tiffany has implants: -8
Saturday Afternoons
-------------------
* You visit her parents: +1
* You visit her parents and actually make
conversation: +3
* You visit her parents and stare vacantly at
the television: -3
* And the television is off: -6
* You spend the day watching college football in
your underwear: -6
* And you didn't even go to college: -10
* And it's not really your underwear: -15
Her Birthday
------------
* You take her out to dinner: 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a
sports bar: +1
* Okay, it's a sports bar: -2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night,
and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team: -10
* You give her a gift: 0
* You give her a gift, and it's a small
appliance: -10
* You give her a gift, and it's not a small
appliance: +1
* You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate:
+2
* You give her a gift that you'll be paying off
for months: +30
* You wait until the last minute and buy her a
gift that day: -10
* With her credit card: -30
* And whatever you bought is two sizes too
small: -40
Thoughtfulness
----------------------
* You forgot to pick her up at the bus station:
-25
* Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
* And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast:
-50
A Night Out With Your Pals
----------------------------------------
* You have a few beers: -9
* For every beer after three: -2 again
* And miss curfew by an hour: -12
* You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
* You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and
cheap cigars: -30
* And not wearing any pants: -40
* Is that a tattoo? -200
A Night Out, Just the Two of You
-------------------------------------------------
* You go see a comic: +2
* He's crude and sexist: -2
* You laugh: -5
* You laugh too much: -10
* She's not laughing: -15
* You laugh harder: -25
Driving
----------
* You lose the directions on a trip: -4
* You lose the directions and end up getting
lost: -10
* You end up getting lost in a bad part of town:
-15
* You get lost in a bad part of town and meet
the locals up close & personal: -25
* She finds out you lied about having a black
belt: -60
Communication
----------------------
* When she wants to talk about a problem, you
listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned
expression: 0
* When she wants to talk, you listen, for over
30 minutes: +5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes, without
looking at the television or
picking up a newspaper: +10
* She realizes this is because you've fallen
asleep: -10 |
